Emotional Scars of the War
Our company gave us a yellow polo shirt yesterday, and it made me think of Darly because that’s her color. It’s made out of a nice material, well made, but nothing fancy about it, this time, they managed to order me a size Small, which I’m glad because we don’t seem to have anyone here wearing a small anymore.
Then one of my co-workers, the one that washes her sandals in her dishwasher approached me today and carefully wording her question, “did you get a yellow t-shirt yesterday?” At this point I didn’t know how to answer her because sometimes our company don’t always give something like this to every employees, especially her only working part-time.
She went on and said, “I took it home yesterday and was about to wash it, when I saw that it’s made in Cambodia, and I clenched when I saw the label.” I was a bit puzzled, I thought it look pretty nice and she must have sensed my confusion. She then said, “It’s traumatized for me to even touch it, just the thought of those Camare Khmer Rouge did to people in your country, I didn’t know how you feel when you saw that. You lived in that country during the Vietnam War, I thought of you immediately.” I honestly think that she thinks all Asian people came from Cambodia or Vietnam. I told her I was from Laos, she said, “same deal.”
I had to think for a moment, how did I feel? How do I feel now? I always thought that I don’t have any emotional scars that would cloud my judgment; at least I like to think this way. I went on and explained to her that I can separate between certain groups of people and the country as a whole, they can’t help of what had happened and we shouldn’t hold them against what happened during the war.
She then said, “same deal, it’s the whole Vietnam War Era, just the though of the Camare Khmer Rouge slithering in your country and killing innocent people, I don’t know if I could ever bring myself to wear that t-shirt. At one time, I used to only buy American made products but it’s more difficult now, but still trying to avoid buying anything that is made in China, Vietnam and Cambodia.” She then told me a story of what had happened to her relative, and the emotional scars that he has gone through after he got back from the Vietnam War, and still not sound minded. It’s a sad situation indeed. She told me, “I’m glad that we get to talk about this, every time I looked at that t-shirt, I thought of you.”
She asked me about what I could remember of the war in Laos, this would not be my first time telling the story, even though I was young and didn’t encounter any gruesome images like most people that fled the war, but I could never recall ever completing telling the story…my emotion always gets the best of me. I can’t explain why I feel this way, Is this what they called emotional scars of the war?
looks like your co-worker needs to educate herself about laos, cambodian and other southeast asian countries. she should start getting use to seeing products coming from that region of the world. alot of manufactures are moving to vietnam due to the cheap labors. for example: nike air shoes are all made in vietnam. materials and labor to make one pair of shoes probably cost approximately $8-$12 and same shoes turn around selling it in U.S. for $120. i yapping too much and i dont know i'm saying now.
Hi Ginger,
Right after I read your post I checked my mail and found this link from one of the Cambodian student groups I subscribe to:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6924371.stm
It's amazing how many of these leaders still haven't been prosecuted for one of the biggest genocides in Asian history.
Also, have you heard of Refugee Nation? They're two actors from TeAda Productions that put together war stories from Laotian refugees all over the country and made it into a theater performance. They recently performed in the NY area. I really wanted to see them but I live on the West Coast. =[
Hi See, I agree with you that she needs to educate herself, and she prides of herself being the sharpest tools in our company, but that’s her story, if it makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside, I’m not objecting to it. As far as costing of Nike in Vietnam, I don’t know the exact cost to make it there, but I’m thinking that you’re not too far from the figure, if any, it might be slightly less, you know exactly what you are talking about.
Hi Chanthaphasouk, thanks for the spelling of the word “Khmer”, I knew it looked funny after I wrote it. Thanks for the article, my co-worker is very uproar about stuff like this, but when it comes to her own mother, she’s a bit selfish in my opinion, especially when I’ve to hear her talking to her mom on the phone, most of the times, she’s rude and disrespectful, many times I had to walk away.
I’ve heard of Refugee Nation, Laoroots Magazine did a write up on their second issue of Ova Saopeng (actor & activist). May be I’ll post part of it tonight, I don’t think the magazine would mind me doing this if given proper credit to them.
It's very common though that people couldn't tell the different. I wouldn't put too much thought into it. If anything I'd be more understanding. There're so much going on in the world, it's hard to keep up. I don't know too much about Africa, South America, and even middle east, there're so much turmoil there too. And I still don't know all the little countries that broke out from USSR…call me ignorant, but I just can't keep up.
PS…just want to add one more thing, there's one Lao girl I know married to an El Salvadorian man, all Lao people called him Mexican, he hates that.
Hi Leena, I know what you mean, people often tell me ‘You Asian people look all the same’, I don’t take it as an insult. When I was living in NYC, I easily passed for Chinese, I sort of have this generic Asian face, I can pass for Cambodian, Vietnamese, Thais, and of course since I’m Lao, there’s no question here.
Hi Ginger! I remember when I was living in Laos, all white people are Falang to me…Anyway, some people are tactful and articulate but some just don't have it, some know how to asked the right questions and some just don't have a clue. So, it all depends on the person. I just wish people would ask me questions rather than just assumed they know who I am already.
So is anyone else feel the scars of war? I do, and for the longest time I didn't want to talk about it. I lost two older brothers (soldiers), that's why it's very painful. All men in my family are very patriatic. I cry a lot when I watch Vietnam war movies or documentaries.
Hi Leena, I’m sorry to hear about your brothers. I think it’s not just us that are feeling the emotional scars of the war. Children have the tendency to feel the most, what about those children from GI fathers. I remember one boy that’s half-Vietnamese and half-American at the Thai camp, people would make fun of him, not just other children but adult also, they called him all kinds of name that you could imagine, and you know, it’s not his fault that he’s half, I often wonder what become of him. Then there are the American children that grew up in the Vietnam War Era, their fathers were Vietnam War veterans, the feeling of abandonment growing up, and some never get to see their fathers and for those that are fortunate enough, I can’t say that it’s the same person that came back. I think this is one of the reasons that I don’t like war. When I start telling about how we fled, and came over to Thailand, that there were 10 of us, my mom & dad, and 8 girls, I could never finish my story and I can’t tell you why, just like now, I can’t finish my story…
Ginger,It is hard to openly talked about the past. Perhaps you can start writing and stored on cd for your kids or grandkids to read. Maybe someday they might want to go back and retrace those paths you took.
(updated by Nye, I think it got lost during the change over to Lao Voices)
Hi See, I’ll write it eventually, but might be with tears. Thanks for the suggestion; it’s also something for some of us to think about doing.
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