Lao Voices

Lao: Boy in a Playground photo by mandalaybus at Flickr

Sometimes it takes the lost of our loved ones to appreciate living.  As for me I always appreciate life, but not as much as now, I’m one of the Laotians that lost our loved ones, as for me it was my mom, it has been almost 2 years since she passed away.  Yesterday, I attended a Boun (Merit) event, but I will not write about this since I wrote in the past, Tum Boun for Our Passed Loved One, the procedure is the same.

But what I would like to share today is our culture, as we assimilate into the western culture, we loose some of our values, our identity, and our believes.  What we used to think is important, but in the face and fate of today society, we might over look this, we might not see the importance of it anymore.

When I tell the story of one of my American co-workers and her mom to my sisters, my oldest sister often gets very upset, she often said, “Life is so unfair, here, our mom had someone that loved her and willing to take care of her, even if it meant one of us quitting our job, but she was not here living, but your co-worker doesn’t want to care for her frail mother, but she is living.”  Yes indeed, I often feel guilty sharing this thought sometimes, that’s because I heard of how bad she treats her mom, and when she does come to work, she would talk on personal phone calls for hours, crying and telling her side of the story and that she is a good guy, then she would say “I wish she’d have been dead by now.”  I would get so upset hearing this, I had to walk away numerous times.

As Laotian Buddhist, it’s our belief and value that we should care for our aging elders, especially our parents, if they are still living, you’re one of the fortunate ones.  Thinking back when I was a baby, who were there to care for me, there to feed me, change my cloth diapers, help me learn to talk, walk, and made me who I am today.  Of course I can’t remember any of this, but I know that they did, that’s all it matters.

Words can be a great comfort for many of us, I recalled it was very difficult for us to accept the lost of our mom, then one of our local monks said to us, “even though your mom passed, but she’s always a part of you, your bone structure is a gift from your dad, and the mass and liquid forms of your body are of your mom.”  This I will always remember, and I believe it is our duty for us as Laotian Buddhist to care for our elderly parents or grandparents, when we couldn’t help ourselves, they were there, and now it’s our turn to help care for them, just like the saying “Once An Adult, Twice A Child” and it’s the “child” that needs caring the most.

When I think of children, I think of Whitney Houston song, one of her songs has good word and meaning, and it goes something like this, “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way…”  I like the beginning part, I think it’s our duty to teach our children of our traditions and values, but I think children learn best by watching adult, I’ve seen many children that are very much like their parents, mimicking their parents’ every actions, it’s very scary to watch.  It doesn’t take much effort to be kind to our love ones, as for these people that Tum Boun for their passed loved ones yesterday, it is too late and they’ll never have that chance again, but at least they’re thinking about them.

As for some of you, the chance is still there, but just remember that time is precious and you never know what the future will hold, but one thing for sure, your action today is paving the road of what your children will become tomorrow.  Your action speaks louder than words.